My commitment to Teach For America, and to my original placement school ends with the school year. My friends are all eagerly discussing their applications and interviews, cheering acceptances and morning rejections. I have applied to one position. I was rejected.
But this is not a post about rejection. Yes it sucks, but it does not control my life. It happens, sometimes a lot, and we have the choice to learn or not, try again or not. My thoughts are not on "what did not" but instead on "what I should".
I am envious of people who have a plan. I still remember the cutting words of my friend B., a pivotal person in my spiritual growth, who said, "What are your plans? You don't know? I've been telling boys I know that they should Be a Man, have a plan." It is one of those pithy sayings that makes one's spirits immediately sink. I fear that what was true for me then is still true now; I am big on dreams, pretty light on plans.
I have friends who tell me that I am good at finding opportunities, going or doing things that are out of the ordinary course. My mother says the same thing, which makes it definitely true. But even if I am good at finding opportunities, my current hang-up is on what opportunities I should find. What dream should I turn into a plan.
The normal things are guiding me. I want to get paid. Hopefully, enough to eat, have a place, take some trips, have Internet. I want to meet new and exciting people. I want community. I want to grow and learn. I want to see and live in the outdoors. I want to meet a girl before the questions from my family become to frequent and I stop wanting to visit as a result.
But more than these things, I want to be challenged and I want to know that what I do matters. My application to TFA was centered on these two ideas. Of course I got almost all of the other things as a bonus, but I was seeking a challenge, and significance in my life. And I don't know where I can find that again.
And it is not that my current job lacks significance all of the sudden. Or that I am some amazing teacher and it is no longer a challenge. Maybe I just want more...excitement. Maybe I just want the new car smell.
I guess this post kinda lacks a conclusion. Well, I don't have this figured out. If anyone does, please let me know.
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What would it look like to shuck the husk of the status quo, to turn the world on its head, to remake it, to offer hope, to love? Here is one man's pursuit of these questions.
About Me
- Mr. Blair
- Houston, Texas
- I am a second year teacher by way of Teach For America. I teach 7th grade math.
Disclaimer
- This website expresses the views of the author, who is entirely responsible for its content. It does not express the views of Teach for America, Purdue University, or any other institutions named or linked to on these pages.
2 comments:
Good to have you back. We're due for a talk.
Here is my incomplete answer to your issue:
Don't settle into anything that you can't leave with little notice for something you feel a leading to do. If you feel like you are stuck, or if you feel like the next place you should be must define the rest of your life, then you haven't given this area up to God and you aren't free.
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