I So Fly: A Guide

So a student tells me today, “Mister. You need to get a grill.”

Naturally, I can’t understand this student clearly. And I want to play coy, so I respond, “I need to get a girl or a grill?”

Student: “Well, both. But first the grill. And a new look.”

Me: “I need a new look? I changed my hair this week!”

Student: “And you need some rocawear jeans.”

Me: “What’s that?”

Falling out of seat with laughter
Student: “You don’t know Rocawear? You haven’t seen this symbol?”

Shows me symbol
Me: “Nope.”

Student: “Oh man, you need those.”

Me: “Well, make me a list of all the things I need.”

Student: “Okay, I will.”

On the way to lunch the student drafted a list of improvements to the Mr. Blair persona. What follows is the actual contents of the list. The only changes are spelling. (he spelled Mohawk mohak for example).
Here’s the list:

1. Get a Mohawk
2. Get a chain that hangs low
3. Find a posse
4. get a girlfriend or buy one
5. get a grill
6. get a new look
7. buy new Jordan's
8. get a belt with your name on the buckle
9. get bigger pants that’s Rocawear
10. get a polo shirt
11. QUIT BEING A NERD!!!

I don't know whether to be pleased that I am so far from being cool or disappointed. I know that #11 is simply not possible, so I guess super-flydom is simply unattainable, but still, I could pull the rest of this off for less than $300. That's a small price to pay for street-cred via fashion.

I think I am somehow going to use this list to my advantage. Something along the lines of "I will do all of these things if we average an 80% on the TAKS test" might be in order.